Nothing to Report

13:01 Edit This 2 Comments »
I have no real news, just preparing for the Summer holidays and sharing six whole weeks with my little man. He is going to drive me utterly nuts but I will be having a driving test in 3 weeks or so, that will make the summer holidays more bearable. Berwick becomes very very touristy in the summer, super busy.

Had an awful few days weather wise it rained for abour 30 hours straight without a break so I was trapped indoors with two hyper bouncy little ones. I am so far behind with my laundy that it's not even funny.

Taking our sofa to the tip tomorrow, Ian is dying to rip up the underside of the sofa and see what it is that we can hear whenever we move it. I think it will be full of dummies and pens, I think Ian thinks it full of cash money, which it won't be. Getting our new sofa on Tuesday, our living room is going to look bizarre and empty for a couple of days.

Oh well no more blog for me, my daughter who I have just spend an hour and a half getting to sleep has just woken up, so I have to start all over again.....

Roth Stuff

07:52 Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I have been uber watching the uber Roth lately and am going to bore the 5 odd people who read my blog! Seems like a good time to do so as for the first time EVER I have allowed my Mum and Step Dad to take BOTH the children to the beach, I am still thinking about them constantly and worrying about what they are doing and how they are going to injure themselves but I really think it is good for Violet to have a little bit of time away from me. I would like to say 'It's SOOOO quiet' however the lady next door has went out and left her dog on his own and he will bark the place down until she gets back, he always does the little beast.

I have to say the Roth I have been watching probably can't be massive high points in his career however it would be fair to say also I am not entirely watching to critique his acting skill (shall we say!).

I watched 'Skellig', I didn't actually have to read this book at school but I think a lot of kids did the cover of the book looks extremely familier but I wasn't familier with the story. The little kid actor was superb as was the Life on Mars guy. Roth was typically awesome and still attractive, and it has actually made me want to acquire to book to see how true to it the movie for tv was.

Another film I have watched was 'The Last Sign', Roth didn't feature a massive lot, most of it was Andie Macdowell bumbling around looking concerned. I don't really feel the need to say much about it because a guy reviewed it on amazon and I agree wholeheartedly with everything he had to say, so if you are interested I can link you up -------> Here

Last night I watched 'Dark Water' whcih again was absolutely shocking, it was a lack of story, I kept expecting some fantastic shock to appear but it didn't. Roth slipped into an American accent for this one though which was pretty interesting to watch/hear?

Nothing else fresh in my world today, just looking and feeling a little more palid than usual I think it's just the tiredness though. You know when you feel like you aren't right but you can't actually put your finger on what it is? That's how I feel at the moment.

Miscarriage Blog

23:28 Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I wrote this a while ago, it was for a website promoting awareness. It will always be a part of me suppose, I'll never forget, the 2nd one inparticular was very painful. Now I have my daughter too, as well as my son, but this was written yonks ago, in 2005 I think.

Wrote this for a website - Beware some bits contain 'too much information'

Miscarriage is underestimated in lots of ways. It is hard to describe the millions of emotions you experience after going through one and that is not just for the woman, it can be a very strange and difficult time for the father too, where in a lot of cases the father needs to provide valuable strength for their partner and find themselves unable to take that important time to grieve.

If you are are unfortunate enough to experience a miscarriage it is almost like joining a secret club, you will find a lot of people you know have had one, even family members, it makes you feel less alone and you have some people to talk to. I discovered that my Grandmother and Aunt had experienced miscarriages after my second one.

As mentioned I have had two miscarriages, both before twelve weeks but for some reason one was just much worse than the other. Probably due to the extreme circumstances at the time.

My first miscarriage was at just seven weeks, I was only seventeen at the time, I had just got married and quit college, I didn't really know much about pregnancy and everything else just over shadowed it, naturally I was upset but I hadn't really had enough time to embrace what would have been, and at that time I was not ready to bring another human being into the world.

My second miscarriage was completely different, I believed I was ten weeks pregnant, I was excited, my husband and I had been married for two years, we were both in proper jobs, we have just bought a house together. It just felt right to be pregnant, I was desperate to be a mother. I got a positive pregnancy test just a couple of weeks after being mugged, it gave me faith in life again. I started to bleed just after ten weeks and after much calling around and contemplation I went to the hospital they scanned me and said that the baby was only around six weeks and showing no heartbeat. I knew what to expect from then, I was 100% positive of my dates, as my the first day of my last period had been Christmas Eve, I remember it clearly even now. The night after the rather devastating scan I went home and in the middle of the night I woke up in absolutely agony, up to that date I had never experienced pain like it, it was just getting worse and worse, eventually my husband had to drive me into hospital, but the time I got there I was bleeding very heavily and passing huge clots. One of the clots I passed was the size of a tennis ball I just remember thinking 'That was my baby'. I was given some morphine for the pain, and I cried myself to sleep.

The days after than were long and depressing, I had to get my husband to call everyone and tell them because I just couldn't face it. I felt like a failure, I felt it was my fault, all totally natural feelings. Now I know that it wasn't my fault it was just natures way of saying 'It wasn't meant to be' and I respect that, despite how hard it is.

No-one knows what to say to you, I think it is harder than when a family member dies because at least you have memories, with a miscarriage you have nothing.

Since my last miscarriage in March 2004 I have had a successful pregnancy and finally got my little boy, my pregnancy was difficult, every day I was terrified of what could happen, I actually enjoyed being sick because it meant that everything was OK in there. I thank my lucky stars for my son every day, he is a miracle to me and he always will be.

I just wanted to give people hope, if you are reading this I suspect you or someone you know has had a miscarriage, it never goes away but it does get easier and just because you have miscarried once does not mean it will happen again.

Happy List!

13:41 Posted In , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Copying the idea from the gorgeous MissMatilda, a list of 6 things that make me happy. Will be hard to trim it down but here goes....

There have been some pretty bleak times in my life without bore-casting it to the universe, I like to talk about the fab and joyous things.

1. Naturally, 1st and most importantly. My children. Since the day they arrived they are the most beautiful and perfect things I have ever had the pleasure of being involved with.

2. My husband and my marriage, corny but I love the bummer. Ever since I met him 8 years ago it was love at first sight and it grows stronger every day.

3. My Friends - Ellen and Nick. We have had a longsome relationship, especially me and Ellen, we have sort of turned into adults together, we have been a foursome since the beginning of adulthood. Not so much for Bonza. I love them both squillions, as family even.

4. My Cats - Scout and Lotus - My little brown and black balls of fluff. They are so happy healthy and make me smile on a daily basis. I have already posted a pic of them on a previous blog so I won't bore you with their furry faces again.

5. There are some women who are an inspiration to me, I don't know them on any real personal level but what they do and their success makes me happy. ( I havent worked out tags or anything)

MissMatilda -
She is so beautiful and lovely to speak to, and she is fulfilling one of her ambitions through her website
Making beautiful things and making herself happy and bringing joy to others!

Fleur De Guerre
A truly amazing model and someone with such amazing style and she is so modest!

Helen Highwater
Another stunning lady who brings me much joy through her website
She is down to earth and funny and I love reading her posts on various forums.

6. My (sort of) healthy obession with Tim Roth!