Who Am I?

04:07 Posted In , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Been having a bit of an identity crisis lately, been killing my hair, putting holes in my face, getting ink. Since my boyfriend left, I've been a big depressed lump, I've lost a bit of weight my face has changed. I don't like who I am and don't see any worth in anything I do anymore. I had to stop doing my OU degree because I just can't concentrate on anything the way I used to. My brain is utterly fried by 2010/2011.

I think another reason I have been changing my appearance so much it give people something else something else to ask about apart from my relationship, because essentially nothing has changed for 7 months, I was miserable in August and I am still miserable now. Friends tend to dislike when friends are sad and the easiest solution would be to end it. Question is, Is loving someone enough reason to put myself through this? Well apparently it is. I have other various influences that are currently putting more weight on me at the moment. Sort of lost the ability to cope and even the things that were good, are less good now.

Here are the three me's of the last few months.

Just ready for some good luck now, fed up of crying everyday, fed up of not liking myself and tired from not sleeping on eating. I'm running out of hope and all the stuff I had planned for my future just doesn't seem achievable at the moment. I don't want sympathy, this is my mess and I have to trust there is some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

Still have performances and shoots to blog. been so rubbish, but I like to document stuff I do so I can look back on in and remember which order stuff happened in.

Images taken by
Nicholas Gray
Richard Shepherd
Jonathan Keys

Speed Shooting

05:57 Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
So I said I'd do a shoot for a latex company called Catalyst Latex and I have to say it was just amazing and I got so excited about their products. It was like a box of joy when their stuff arrived no thanks to City Link. I was actually with the MUA when the box of clothing arrived and my boyfriend had to text me pictures of the items so I could work out which make up would work best.

Then we hit spanking new Mayfield Studio in Newcastle-upon-Tyne city centre, as long as you want plain backgrounds this is the studio for you, people are lovely, nice dressing room facilities, just all good. I had shot there previously with Sam Corban and had really enjoyed that shoot too.

From the moment we arrived there it just went really well, I got through the images really quickly and we got some really good cataloguey type images that, in my opinion, sell the items really well. I also think as I am their sample size that is a really healthy message, as I am a 10-12, not really a fan of ribs in latex anyway personally.

Here are some of my fave images from this shoot and you can buy this lot from Catalysts Etsy store. Was devastated when I posted the stuff back.

Photography by Nicholas Gray
MUA - Alex Pretswell
Clothing - Catalyst Latex

I Married That Boy From Selby

14:54 Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Last month I did a wedding shoot with the lovely Jaye from Tux and Tales Photography, she was looking for models to pose as couples and I kinda emailed and suggested it might be an interesting idea to shoot a more 'Alternative' couple. She agreed so I went on a hunt for a male model who look liked the kind of guy a purple haired recently latex clad Dee La Beau would go for and I found just the fella on Model Mayhem his name is Peter Stanton.

I borrowed one of the gals dresses if I am honest it isn't something I would of chosen myself, I don't plan to wear white nor a dress if I remarry. Next time it will be the intimate affair I wanted last time before it spiraled out of control. I also had a purple and orange bouquet that I thought was cute. I'm not gonna tell you what I want because on the geeks will be impressed. I have no plans to be Leia nor Padme though. I'd also like to be proposed to in a very Saw-esque fashion involving a wolf but I won't bore you with that.

The shoot took place in York and a park just outside of York. Quite a few people thought we were genuinely getting hitched! It is really had to mock intimacy of a wedding day, or even of being in love, I was really lucky with Pete though we were able to have a laugh and it didn't at any point feel uncomfortable.

I am so proud of the images from this shoot, and I have to admit when I received the disc last week it made me cry, probably for a mixture of reasons. Here are my favourite images from this shoot.

Clowns, Pillow Fights and Grimey Bathroom Sets

15:17 Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Eek can't believe I am blogging a shoot from March, I need to get my tushie into gear so much to share/bore you with.

Rolled up to Studio 5000 which recently was robbed which is a shame, I hate to hear of people and places I like being crimed on.

I loved this shoot, it was quite literally with some of my favourite people, people who made my 2010 bearable! Sadly Debs had to bail at the last minute because she was poorly but despite that the shoot went pretty well and no-one was standing around bored.

I got to work with two of my favourite photographers my loverman Nicholas Gray and tip top down to earth mate Shepy. The models were newly branded Havannah Wildtime, Jason McCullagh and a lovely girly I met at a group shoot Victoria Price.

The staff at the studio are always very helpful and this shoot was no exception.

I was lucking enough to get pictures taken with each of the other models and I'm gonna share 'em with you now!

Me and Havannah both had clownesque costumes, mine was a Harley Quinn costume as it's known I am a bit of a geekette who likes to dress up it's logical I'd be a lady villan at some point.

Me and Vicky did a sterotypical girly pillow fight shot. It's really hard to get the balance right between looking attractive for the camera and actually having a pop at your opponent.

Lastly one of Nick's best mates Jason. He is just an awesome fella, few people make me laugh the way Jason does. Its a relenless barrage of comedy which leaves you sitting in a puddle of wee. He is a professional model and just a class person to spend time with. I kinda had an image in mind for this, this is almost it but me and Jason were laughing so much that we weren't fully committed to the task in hand.